beautiful feeling

i met him 5 years ago
he was kind, intellectual and madly driven
his story, his situation hit me
i despised him,
i hated and feared everything that he represented
but there was something about him that i craved for
talking to him felt like overdoing junk food or cigarettes or both
i thought about him, i wrote about him,
and i fooled him and tricked him for pleasure
i lied to him over and over just for the fun of it
people get terrible for no reason sometimes
i fell for him now i somehow miss him
if i ever see him again i think of letting him buy me a cup cappucino finally
and maybe let him put his head on my lap later on
and pat him with compassion and feel sorry for him
because he is torn between wanting to be the right guy and following his desires
and because he lived his life like it wasn't his own
and as if he would have a second one to do things right
and that there is not much he can do now to make up for the lost time
maybe i would comfort him somehow by saying all we have is here and now
i would tell him,
we are under the sun and we are in good health
so not all is bad